[Diary]: Relaxing by the beach - Bali

So recently I'm kinda facing a depression which I didn't think it doesn't hit me. But actually it does, without realizing it. I talked with my friend, and she said she was there too. She experienced it. The depression is kinda being lonely, because after flight I just felt so tired, so next thing I wanted to do just to sleep until I feel satisfied. And I'd rather be at home because Singapore's weather always so humid and hot, I can't bear to go outside.

After away for few trips, of course there are numbers of house chores need to be done. From laundry, cooking, tidying up stuff, ironing clothes, pack and unpack luggages and many more. Hence I'd prefer to be at home doing these things and I did enjoy it at first.

Without realizing it, it started to consume me even further. It made me lazy to go out to see some friends, or just to hang out with my bf. Furthermore when I had a bad flight, it just adding up more and more. Suddenly, I just felt so tired with everything, with flying, with work, tired of doing house chores again and again. Hardly meet up with friends because of schedule. It consumed me.

Consumed me too much.

I met with consultant (provided by the company that I worked with) about my problems. And the lady mentioned, are you lonely? My answer was "No". I was in self-denial. After 1 hour session, I walked and gave it a thought. Am I really lonely?

Apparently the answer is Yes. I am lonely because I've got no one to talk besides my mum and bf, without realizing it, actually it is not healthy. I don't meet my church friend because I always away on weekend and during weekdays they are working. Working life in Singapore is tough. After work, you just want to go back home and rest.

It affected me until I didn't feel like to go for 10 days flight as it's gonna be so long and I don't think I could take it. But also, I've got a thought that I want to go Bali to see beach, my favorite place. I love beach. So I've made a plan to go to Bali and asked my brother's gf to come along. Apparently she agreed :)

Throughout the flight, I talked with new friends and also not too new friend and I realized, yes I am lonely. I need someone to talk with besides these people, even though it's kinda hard to make friends with crew but some of them really nice, they told me if I need friends to talk with or to meet with, just contact them. I am really touched and blessed.

Indeed, God is good. He provides me with these good people around me and also until the flight ends. I don't feel lonely anymore. In fact, currently I'm at Finn's Beach Club, enjoying the beach view, listen to the waves sounds, children's playing and laughing, many more.

Of course, throughout the 10 days flight, I prayed to God, every night just listened to Christians' songs :)

I'm glad that I have a good Father in heaven that always watch after me and protect me.

'till then~
Jess