Well, I never really write about my love life. My previous relationship was last for almost 2 years, I dated foreigner; he's not same nationality as me.
Before we broke up actually lot of things happening at the same time. I was in transition between Indo, Malaysia and Singapore. And actually even before that, our relationship had problem but we never work it out and solve the problems. So the problems that had happened keep appearing again and again and it was added up by more problems. Which both of us can't take it anymore. He can't take how I behaved and treated him. I was so naggy and put the blame on him. Well, forgive me, I was immature. And of course there are few reasons behind it why I did that. Can't really elaborate what happened.
And also I realized that different perspective, the way of his thought and my thought were completely different. We had different cultures as well and I couldn't tolerate it. I'm not saying that my ex was bad or I was the bad one, but problems always appear in a relationship. If it's not, then you have a big problem. The best way is to solve the problem is to work it out together.
Do you remember the time during school / uni when you had group projects, you argued with your friends because of different opinions, point of view, etc. And how did you solve it? For sure, if your score good marks, you must have learnt to work together, throw the bad ideas and keep improving the good ideas. If you got bad marks, you and your group mate couldn't solve the problems. In a relationship, it should be the same way too! When problems appears, discuss and solve it together. It will make your relationship stronger.
So yeah, we tried to solve it, but things couldn't work out. And one of us stop putting effort into the relationship. Which it supposed to be from both sides. It took 2 hands to clap. Well, I could say it was fucked up. Screwed up to the max. So we both decided to end it. To be exact, me.
How I moved on? Have I moved on? Do we still keep contact?
At first, I thought I just want to keep contact, be friends. But, things happened after we broke up and I decided not to keep in touch. To let both of us chill. And why not to keep the friendship. But seems my hope and imagination weren't come true.
Yes, I have moved on. I'm a happy gal!
It wasn't easy to move on when you have lot of nasty feelings inside. I was hurt, deeply hurt. Those emotional feelings was mixed up, between disappointment, feel annoyed, sick of it, etc. But, once I made decision and I threw out the word "break up", I do mean it and I won't take it back. That word is not an easy word for me to say because I really appreciate the relationship itself.
So here what I did and I would like to share with you guys:
1. Stop all the contacts
Yes, do not keep in touch! Do not! Block all the social media; fb, twitter, instagram, whatsapp, line, whatsoever it is! Delete it all.
How would you be able to move on if your ex' contact is still mingling in your phone? And everyday you look at your phone, it will keep bringing back all the memories.
Why you should stop all the contacts? It's to calm yourself, not to think of it and you don't have to see it unconsciously. Not easy at first, but trust me this is the very basic steps.
2. Stop listening to your heart and start to think with your brain
You may still feel emo, feel so sad, etc. Don't listen to your heart, start to use your brain! Your brain is made to think! So fully utilized it. :) Because you are so precious, you shouldn't waste your time to be with someone that is not meant for you! In the midst of despair, you might think that you are such a useless person, no one wanted to love you, and all those bad feelings that brought you fear. It will make you have such a low self-esteem, perhaps suicidal might cross your mind. These are so wrong! Your life is so precious, you still have good friends around you, great family and etc! Don't let the negative thoughts conquer your mind. You control your heart and mind.
3. Forgive and don't forget
Huh? What does it mean? Forgive and don't forget? Like not to forget all the things that had happened?
For all the things that your partner had done wrong and you were emotionally hurt, just forgive them. If you can't, try this. Repeat "I forgive him/her" 10 times in morning and 10 times before you sleep. Forgive them and you will feel ease in your heart and you won't feel hurt anymore.
Don't forget for all the mistakes and what were the things you have done. If you forget, you will end up repeating the same mistakes all over again. Learn from your mistakes, make it a precious lifetime lesson.
4. Go out there and get a life!
Crying in your room for 3 days. That's fine, but a month? You better go outside there and get a life! Your friends and family missed you so much! They want to spend time with you and cheer you up! Make yourself busy with activities around, hang out with friends! Go have fun! Make yourself busy and you will forget all the sad things unconsciously.
After you done all of these, you will think to yourself, "Why am I so dumb?","Who is she / he?", "They are just nobody" and etc.
Well, for some of you, you might think it's not as easy as it is. But, give it a try, you wouldn't know. I moved on within 1 month or 2. Until now, I'm happy with myself. I didn't regret for what had happened, I'm thankful and grateful. Why? It made me who I am today. The past relationship made me learn so many things and it's really a good experience.
All the lists of how to move-on are really a lot, but I could say these are the basic things that you really need to do. You have to get your confidence back, get your self-esteem, get love from your families, etc.
End of relationship is not always mean that you won't have happy ending or it's like the end of your world. Open your eyes widely and you will see that your life isn't over.
At the end of something, always remember there will be new things coming. So embraced it happily.
For those who are heart broken. Cheers! It's not the end of (your) world!
XOXO
Jess
