[Diary]: God's Blessings

Recently because of the depression that I've experience, mum prays for me every single day. So I could get wise senior colleagues who works with me, anyone with evil thoughts or intention to be cast away in Jesus' name, and many more.

Sometimes, well, most of times, I took it for granted. My thoughts were I still can run my daily life and routine without need to pray to God and all seems good. Yes, it was, at first. But, when the trouble comes, I felt really down. Easily stressed, daily life seems getting more difficult to be faced, I have more fear, lesser strength as I was really holding to myself, relying myself. No longer God in my life. Listening stuffs that I want to hear instead of what I need to hear. God seems getting further, until when I call, I don't feel any presence. Let me tell you, it's awful. Daily life seems fake.

Until, I try to rely on God more, try to call Him more even though I don't feel Him. I try to give thanks, be thankful of what I have, even without any reasons, the simplest thing like I could breathe, I am where I am, safe, still alive, anything. I tried not ask for any prayer, just give thanks. Just say "God is good, Tuhan Yesus baik. Baik sekali. Terima kasih Tuhan. Terima kasih Tuhan."
I was repeating this again and again, play worship songs whenever I'm in hotel room, or when I'm home.

When I was walking by myself, I tried to talk to God more like having conversation. Anything I will talk about, silly things, good things, bad things. And, I'm so glad, very glad like finally I could feel again. Feel His presence. Just by saying "Thank You God" I could feel it. Oh gosh, I really miss this.
I just cried without reasons, just feel glad and enjoy that I could feel His presence. It is really something that I would not trade in this world.

I couldn't imagine my life without God, life seems difficult. Everyday is like a challenge, full of fear. Afraid of things, many more. Experienced that, and I don't want it again.

Slowly, I feel God's blessings come into my life. For April roster, I prayed on March and told God, "God, is it possible for me to get Amsterdam again before they changed aircraft? I really love Amsterdam." And when the roster out, I've got it. Currently I am in Amsterdam, Spring 2016 and going to see Tulips :)

For May roster, I prayed again, I told God, "God, I haven't done HKG SFO, I think it's gonna be fun, but I also want FCO or MUC because I love Europe." And, when the roster out, I've got HKG SFO and DME IAH. 2 States flight in a month - rostered. This is AMAZING.

I told my mum about this, God is good. I've got no complain, but I'm just confused. I don't know I should be happy or sad that I've got this 2 States flight. Mum told me, "Be thankful! It's a blessings. Remember that you told me that you want to sponsor for my trip to Korea, I prayed that God will give you good flight so you could earn more money!" I was speechless. I totally forgot when I told my mum about that, but I do have a thought to provide for her trip to Korea with whatever that I'm going to earn. Oh my. I'm just standing in awe. God is just too awesome and amazing.

I was puzzled since last night and finally I have thought to call mum and I got the answer. It's like the puzzle that connect s from one thought to bless and to be blessed. Connected by prayer. It's like magic - poof! But of course, I know it is because of faith that we have in Him.

I'm just so happy. Thank You GOD! :)